When you are kid, adults are always telling you that life isn't fair. The real world is terrible, embrace your youth. Being an adult is awful--paying bills, raising children, working 9 to 5, praying your marriage isn't in the bad 50%.
Well. Life isn't fair. If you believe all of that. Sometimes, at the heart of our suffering, we like to think that we have been served some great injustice by the universes.
But every bad thing that happens generates good. We're just programmed not to notice it. If you can stop wallowing in self-pity, however, you do. And then you have comfort when things seem bad--you know that it isn't the end. You have something good to look forward to--a surprise. Usually, a blessing. All actions have an equal and opposite reaction--your science teacher was smarter than you thought.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Heart Strings
I don't believe in soulmates. But I do believe that there are those rare people in your life who can tug at your heart no matter how far the distance between the spots where you each watch the moon.
Sometimes, you meet someone, and your love for them consumes you. Your thoughts crowd out the daily processes churning in your head. A picture, in your mind, never fades.
And years later, after the "SEPARATION", after thousands and millions of silent minutes in the space connecting your telephones, and after dust accumulates in the box where "you both", "you as one", "you couple", resides, the same feeling has not gone away. The most gentle, nagging sense of love.
You see, you can't leave a soulmate. But you can leave one of these people, equipped with the fearsome comfort of knowing someone, someday, will tug harder.
Sometimes, you meet someone, and your love for them consumes you. Your thoughts crowd out the daily processes churning in your head. A picture, in your mind, never fades.
And years later, after the "SEPARATION", after thousands and millions of silent minutes in the space connecting your telephones, and after dust accumulates in the box where "you both", "you as one", "you couple", resides, the same feeling has not gone away. The most gentle, nagging sense of love.
You see, you can't leave a soulmate. But you can leave one of these people, equipped with the fearsome comfort of knowing someone, someday, will tug harder.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
It's No Suprise I Won't Be Here Tomorrow
A few months ago, I had everything I wanted.
But then, things change. Your boss comes down hard on you and you realize your job is not satisfying your intellectual and emotional needs.
Your seemingly good friend destroys the relationship of you and your other friends by allowing rumors to circulate that let you take the fall for imagined actions while he runs off with your best friend's girlfriend. Then you realize you don't really have many friends at all. Because now, even though all the cards have been turned, and all of the fallout has settled, they won't make even the slightest effort to see you.
Your home that was all you had left to look forward to--its warmth and quiet and cleanliness--becomes violated with assholes who think they live in a frat house. Now even sleep at night is denied to you.
Why am I still here? I have no reason to be here. I can't get higher education. I am not meeting any potential loves. My friends are non-existent. Am I here for the weather? Because it's easy?
It won't be much longer. Soon, I will be gone. It's my time to leave--this town has nothing left to offer me. In fact, I have to believe that all of these events recently are the universe's way of yelling at me to do something better with myself. For myself.
Walla Walla, I promise you I will return. After I've done the things I want to do and can't do here.
After my PhD. After experience in a job in my field. After starting a family. After enjoying my 20s.
But then, things change. Your boss comes down hard on you and you realize your job is not satisfying your intellectual and emotional needs.
Your seemingly good friend destroys the relationship of you and your other friends by allowing rumors to circulate that let you take the fall for imagined actions while he runs off with your best friend's girlfriend. Then you realize you don't really have many friends at all. Because now, even though all the cards have been turned, and all of the fallout has settled, they won't make even the slightest effort to see you.
Your home that was all you had left to look forward to--its warmth and quiet and cleanliness--becomes violated with assholes who think they live in a frat house. Now even sleep at night is denied to you.
Why am I still here? I have no reason to be here. I can't get higher education. I am not meeting any potential loves. My friends are non-existent. Am I here for the weather? Because it's easy?
It won't be much longer. Soon, I will be gone. It's my time to leave--this town has nothing left to offer me. In fact, I have to believe that all of these events recently are the universe's way of yelling at me to do something better with myself. For myself.
Walla Walla, I promise you I will return. After I've done the things I want to do and can't do here.
After my PhD. After experience in a job in my field. After starting a family. After enjoying my 20s.
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