Assignment.

When he walks into a room, he welcomes everyone with a beaming smile (D). He doesn't turn away in embarrassment when I greet strangers on the street (E,17). He is respectable (E,6), and goofy in a quiet way (D), and when he tells you he will do something he not only means it but he gets it done (E,5). He likes the planning part of a vacation more than the actual going on vacation part, and when we get to the destination it's hilarious how we throw out all our plans for some entirely different, random activities instead (D). He never, ever yells (E,4). He is patient (E,6), and kind (E,7), and he makes sure he explains things to me in very simple terms (D). He holds his ground (E,10), and he doesn't put up with my shit (E,18), and he doesn't resent me for not putting up with his (E,8). He forgets why he was angry, like I do (D). He picks his battles carefully (E,9), and is fiscally responsible (E,3). He's clean and tidy (D) but knows when it's ok to just throw the clothes on the floor and leave the dishes in the sink for tomorrow (E,13). He holds off on the sappy stuff most of the time (D), but shows his affection through touch and small gestures nearly all of the time (E,12). When times are hard, and things are really tough, and luck is nowhere to be found, he still finds some good to hang on to and offers some encouragement (E,11). I am his one and only, he doesn't fear what it means to make a commitment and keep it (E,1). He's educated and somewhat sophisticated and reads the newspaper (E,14) and can keep the plants alive because I sure as hell can't (D). There is no hesistation to play in mud puddles, or stop by the park to swing, or to stand in the rain and gawk at lightening (E,16). He can cook (D), but doesn't mind letting me do it most nights (D). Family is of the upmost importance (E,2), his relationship with his own is strong as well as his desire to have and nourish his own (E,2). He takes care of me, and he protects me (E,15). He is ambitious at work but doesn't make it his life (E,17).

When Silence Makes a Sound

Today, I almost heard a mime speak (for a Klondike bar). It was mildly upsetting--I closed my browser. It seems like a ridiculous reaction, but there are some things that I would like to think always stay the same. Like rain on Christmas if you live in Seattle. Or corndogs causing stomachaches. Or giggling during the fifth grade sex education "this is a penis" talk. Or mimes not talking. Really, I have gone 22 years...I want to go my whole life never hearing a mime make a peep. It's just not what they do!

Of course, now that I write this absolutely absurd blog, I will fall in love with a mime tomorrow, and one day he will come home from work and forget to take his makeup off and change and I will turn around and he will say hello and my whole delusional world about mimes not talking will be shattered.

Knock on wood.

The Sound of Silence

Sometimes there are so many things that I want to say that I have nothing to say at all.

In bits and pieces, I may have told the almost complete story of my grandpa. Or rather, my grandpa's death. But what I would really like is to meet someone with whom I feel comfortable sharing the whole story. Really, it's not a matter of comfort, but more intimacy. It is a story you share while lying with someone in bed, a rainy, lazy Sunday. Some things we can only share once; we have laid him to rest but it seems that the rest of us are left restless.

Singing in the Rain

The tap, tap, tap times out a rhythm soothing. It muddies the thoughts in my head. The ping, ping, ping pools the every perhaps; the drip, drip, drip drives the maybes and should'ves over the mind's brim. Splosh, Splosh, Splosh seduces wayward insights, leaving the corners empty and dim in the yellow lights. Pitter, pitter, pitter plays memories in my head, dusting off yesterdays. Erasing the todays, which lately have made the yesterdays not so bad, and the tomorrows dreadful.

Parsing words.

Selfish: Wanting to believe you are the only one who endures suffering.
Ignorant: Believing you ARE the only one who endures suffering.